Get Closer or Hide

And then DARPA said, let there be internet!

Ever been thirsty and yearning for water, and when you're finally drinking some water, you feel like you've been born again? Okay maybe not to that extreme but you get the idea- that's exactly how I feel right now. I finally have internet again.

Am I really that technology needy?

I carry a cellphone around and if I'm not in class, I'm probably using a computer or playing video games. I guess I somehow just answered my own question.

But if I didn't have my cellphone, I couldn't keep in touch with my family (I live VERY far from home) or text Taylor, or talk to my friends, or check my email (meaning AGS-related stuff, or even your comments!). And if I didn't have a computer. . . well I suppose I could write on paper but it's not nearly as fun or fast as doing it on a computer. And don't even get me started on video games, that is seriously the only way I relieve stress!

Some people fear technology because they think some individuals stick to their toys and alienate from the world. I don't do that. I use technology to be closer to the people far from me. Even with you, dear reader, believe it or not, I wanna be closer to you. But I wouldn't change human interaction for the world. You could never compare touching a machine with the feeling of touching some skin.

Where has technology taken you?

photo taken from http://www.unescap.org/unis/press/2007/aug/space.jpg

About Time I'd Show Up

News:

• UC application is now available online = I'm freaking out
• My Auburn application has been completed = I will finally be officially a Tiger. Even if I go to Berkeley.
• Got yet another scholarship = thanks for the love, donors.
• Some of my peers told me this weekend that they enjoy volunteering more this semester than they ever did during the Spring = We are doing an awesome job.
• I will finally get internet at home this week = I will once again be writing here on a daily basis. Yay!

I'll Never Stop Trying

The lights and movement woke me up. My grandpa, grandma and brother were getting out of the truck. I got ready to follow them but my grandma told me to stay where I was and not to make a noise. She was crying. I didn't understand what was going on. I looked out the window and saw my mom. She was crying too. Next to her there were about 8 men. They all looked like soldiers with their uniforms and their big guns- but they weren't. "Why is the little girl still in there? Get her out! Everybody out!" one of them said. Grandma came and got me out. She held me against her and I was able to feel her tears falling on my shoulders. I still didn't know what was happening. I just heard my grandpa tell one of the guys to take all the money we had but not to hurt us. That we were a family. Grandma's sobbing became even louder.

I must have been 4 or 5 when The Guerrilla, a rebel group in Colombia, pulled us over. They were known to do this- stop people on the road, kill them, take their money and burn their cars. Somehow, we're all still alive.

Today somebody told me that I take life too seriously and therefore I stress myself and over think things way more than I should. Perhaps I do.

But if I gotta be serious so no one goes through what I've been through- then I'll be serious. If I gotta stress myself in an attempt to change the world- I'll stress as much as I can (even if my voice is never heard). If I gotta over think things to make sure I can help you (whoever you are) with whatever you need help with- then I'll over think things until I can think no more.

This has got to be the most difficult thing I've ever written in my life. I just got back from volunteering at the "Alive & Running 5k" which was an event to raise awareness and funds for suicide prevention. At this event I was told I take life too seriously.

There was a banner at this event with pictures of people that had committed suicide (posted above- sorry I couldn't turned it around but it was taken with my cellphone). I had a chance to see this banner and look at the pictures. Most of them were smiling. They all seemed so normal and happy and I couldn't help but wonder what could have possibly gone wrong. Maybe someone didn't take their lives too seriously.

A little boy and his mom stood by my side at some point. "Which one is it mommy?" the boy asked. She pointed at the picture of one of the guys that were smiling. "That's uncle Jeff, honey."

As I stood there I promised myself to never stop trying to change the world. Even when people think it's lame or even when they tell me that what I do won't change anything. And maybe it won't, but it's a start. I promised them. I'll never stop trying. Whatever it takes. Even if it means taking life too seriously.

Moments Like This One

No I didn't die and yes, it has been a while.

I was recently chosen as Committee Chair for one of Alpha Gamma Sigma fund raisers so now I'm in charge of 40 people. That and class, and work and volunteer work- and I could seriously go on and on.

But enough of that! Yeah, let's discuss something even more important than the reasons why I don't sleep much.

Today, I volunteered on a course-marking event. I was the header for this event and in charge of four more people. My idea of marking a course (for a 11k/18k run) is walking, maybe even riding a car, and stopping every now and then to put a sign or something. This couldn't be farther from the real deal.

This run apparently is for people that are hardcore into running (the whole 11k/18k should have been enough of a clue) and this run wasn't a flat one- but one that would at some point reach an elevation of 1226m! I've been whining about not being able to work out for the past three weeks but I think that today I was able to make up for that one.

I don't think any of us was mentally prepared for a hike ('cause that's really what it was) but no one backed off when we were given the instructions and I felt very proud of my crew. After the first mile- a very steep one, I was wondering how much longer I could go on because my poor shape was already giving up on me. But then I looked back and saw these four bodies behind me, with their backpacks on their back, with the sun on their face- I asked them if they were okay and they nodded with a smile. This REALLY took my thoughts of giving up somewhere else. As the leader, I had to stay on top and set an example- and with a group so ready to do what needed to be done, I just found some extra strength from I don't know where to keep going.

Our hike was about 6.8 miles long. I'm so very proud of my crew. We did it and I know we got our strength from each other.

Moments like this remind me why I do what I do. And they also remind me that there are things worth fighting for.

What are your moments?

photo taken from http://images.publicradio.org/content/2005/01/21/20050122_point_mugu_2.jpg

I'm A Murderer

I make decisions on a daily basis (and I'm sure you do too). It doesn't matter how small they are (Should I take the bus to school instead of my car; should I sleep ten more minutes this morning; etc), I know they will affect me somehow at some point. Sometimes I feel like I'm too young for some decisions, and old for other ones- but there's always a decision somewhere to be made.

I dropped table tennis last night, in order to rearrange my work schedule, and have more time to write- because after looking at my schedule for the past three weeks, I didn't set time aside to write (shame on me). I also gave up some sleep yesterday so I could catch up with my Stats homework; but I did give up breakfast this morning in order to sleep 20 minutes more than usual.

Now, when it comes to writing, it's just about the same- As much as I'd love to explain in full detail what I'm writing about, I am one of those who thinks that there's a chance someone may take my work and just put their name on it. Right now I'm working on a scene where James (my lead's dad) has discovered that he has a heart condition. His immediate reaction is to keep to himself and protect his family from such daunting fact. Now what's the problem?

Should he die through my story or not? One of the best feelings in the world (at least for me) is to be able to create something. Every time I write, with every single keystroke, I get that feeling (no wonder I'm a writer). James is my creation and even if you may think what I'm about to say is silly, it breaks my heart to think that he would die- and what's worst, that Jenny (my lead) would have to go through it.

Why am I considering his death? Because his wife is set on a decision that I need to change and his death may change her thinking. Notice how it sounds like I have little control over the characters? It's true, I don't. There may be some things I can change but others that I definitely can't.

I'm no longer sure why I started this post to begin with but I do know something, I'm working to make a decision on James' life and I'm thinking hard about it (so hard that I'm sharing it)- but when it comes to something that affects me, I just do it with little or no thought.

Are we all so careless about ourselves or have I forgotten that what I do today will come back at me tomorrow?

photo taken from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaI8JQdeWg8J3JihJ_CYBHb9jD6VHHsMeXacP0AUIeXo1kzJA1wtZsi7igUb-atnnIjqalU8-1YBdJxZPSBwybIqEfys8DimZ-uGfnstBYVdKywESkJYzBmfjz-XZJdVdHqozrF3fRiiKo/s600/Jesse+James-Death+photo-1882-age-34-St.+Joseph,+Mo.jpg

For A Good Cause

I just got back from volunteering at the Huntington's Disease Association of America (HDSA) 5k run/walk. I'm tired and hungry and have LOTS of homework to do so I'll let you enjoy some bad quality pictures I took with my cell. Oh! And forgive my I-just-woke-up face.

I was one of the tattoo artists for the little kids =D

And also did some face painting!

At this point they were letting the runners know that the race was about to start.

These ladies were runners who kindly let us paint their faces and they also were kind enough to pose for me!

And the winners are...

Little People Count Too

Boss: Ashley, do you remember when I interrupted yesterday?

Ashley (puzzled look): Uh. . .

Boss (cutting me off): Well I did that because I told you to only receive training from me, don't ask Jimmy (not a real name) any questions.

Ashley: When was this again?

Boss: Yesterday. You don't remember?

Ashley: Are you sure it was me?

Boss: Of course I am, you were asking about the computer.

Ashley: I don't remember.

Boss: This did happen yesterday. But don't worry, you didn't do anything wrong.

Damn right I didn't. I didn't work with Jimmy yesterday and I'm hella sure you didn't interrupt me asking questions about computers- I'd only ask people that have been formally trained in computers (I'm pretty computer savvy).

What is it about people that have a title that makes them think that anyone who works below them know nothing about anything? I have an awful memory, I'll say that- but I didn't work, with Jimmy- that's a fact (I looked in the schedule). Getting called on something I didn't do doesn't bother me as much as the fact that people with titles (usually) don't believe in the "little people."

In "Nickle and Dimed," Barbara Ehrenreich mentions how people would ignore her just because she was a maid or a waitress- only people "at her level" would greet her. Now I'm aware this is way different but all the rivers eventually fall into the same ocean- When I was still working at the theater and I was up for review, I approached my manager and said "My review was up about two weeks ago, am I still waiting for you to call me into the office?" That same day she called me in. She said I was a great worker, and in the last part, during "comments and suggestions," she said: "You shouldn't be so insecure." I asked her what she meant by that and she said that she didn't like the way I asked her about my review. First, that comment has NOTHING to do with my performance at work, and two, insecure? really? No wonder why you're a theater manager.

When do we get to stand up to these bosses and called THEM on their mistakes? Life works in a funny way- people move up, they get greedy and they forget things that matter.

Photo taken from http://vacascom.blogspot.com/2006_09_01_archive.html