This And Read

What a day! Waking up a little after 4am to drive nonstop for 6 hours is not precisely what I call a fun time. Specially when my girlfriend, who is supposed to be trying to keep me awake, falls asleep in the passenger seat- and makes me wanna sleep too! Oh well, we made it here safely. Got lunch with the aunt, took a nap, dinner with the parents, hung out. . . all good times.

Right after dinner, we went into Borders (the bookstore) because my girlfriend's mom was looking for a book to give to her husband. First of all, that's just cute- I really hope that after 30 something years of marriage, I too will have it in me to get little things for my spouse. Second of all, it reminded me how behind I am on my readings!

Really, it's not about being a geek, I really hope "the cool people" of nowadays would understand that. I've always thought of reading as excercise for the mind- and I'm not trying to be corny here. I've always been the one that never gets tired of learning more and more. But lately, I've been reading less and less.

I got "Night" by Elie Weisel for my birthday (which was back in November), and if you look at my "Currently Reading" section (on the right side of this page), you'll see that I'm still reading it! Granted I've been doing all sorts of trips and things but that can't be an excuse. I need to read more and I will do just that. So I'll finish this and read a bit, that's a promise.

Oh and for future reference, any book you think I should read?

P.S. The road trip was actually really enjoyable!

Maybe

I was always a little jealous of the girls that kept diaries growing up. I thought that they could always find bits of their own history in them while I would probably forget most of it at some point. I was right, I did forget lots of things.

Yesterday, I saw a picture of my cousin, Stephanie. I think she was 5 the last time I saw her and I think she's 17 now. It's been a while. We don't even really talk. She looked all grown up in the picture. I only had this image of her as a little kid and whatever happened in the middle got lost in translation.

I cannot remember much of us being little. And I really wanted to. I wanted to think that we were family and acted as such once. Maybe I was too little. Maybe I should have kept a diary.

I'll Never Stop Trying

The lights and movement woke me up. My grandpa, grandma and brother were getting out of the truck. I got ready to follow them but my grandma told me to stay where I was and not to make a noise. She was crying. I didn't understand what was going on. I looked out the window and saw my mom. She was crying too. Next to her there were about 8 men. They all looked like soldiers with their uniforms and their big guns- but they weren't. "Why is the little girl still in there? Get her out! Everybody out!" one of them said. Grandma came and got me out. She held me against her and I was able to feel her tears falling on my shoulders. I still didn't know what was happening. I just heard my grandpa tell one of the guys to take all the money we had but not to hurt us. That we were a family. Grandma's sobbing became even louder.

I must have been 4 or 5 when The Guerrilla, a rebel group in Colombia, pulled us over. They were known to do this- stop people on the road, kill them, take their money and burn their cars. Somehow, we're all still alive.

Today somebody told me that I take life too seriously and therefore I stress myself and over think things way more than I should. Perhaps I do.

But if I gotta be serious so no one goes through what I've been through- then I'll be serious. If I gotta stress myself in an attempt to change the world- I'll stress as much as I can (even if my voice is never heard). If I gotta over think things to make sure I can help you (whoever you are) with whatever you need help with- then I'll over think things until I can think no more.

This has got to be the most difficult thing I've ever written in my life. I just got back from volunteering at the "Alive & Running 5k" which was an event to raise awareness and funds for suicide prevention. At this event I was told I take life too seriously.

There was a banner at this event with pictures of people that had committed suicide (posted above- sorry I couldn't turned it around but it was taken with my cellphone). I had a chance to see this banner and look at the pictures. Most of them were smiling. They all seemed so normal and happy and I couldn't help but wonder what could have possibly gone wrong. Maybe someone didn't take their lives too seriously.

A little boy and his mom stood by my side at some point. "Which one is it mommy?" the boy asked. She pointed at the picture of one of the guys that were smiling. "That's uncle Jeff, honey."

As I stood there I promised myself to never stop trying to change the world. Even when people think it's lame or even when they tell me that what I do won't change anything. And maybe it won't, but it's a start. I promised them. I'll never stop trying. Whatever it takes. Even if it means taking life too seriously.

Let's Try Something

One of my gifts (well not really but just roll with it for a second*) is my ability to keep an open mind when trying new things. I don't like it too much when things change and that change is out of my control, but when I'm the one making the change, that's a different story.

My brother and I fought a lot when we were little. I said "fought" because there was always some sort of physical contact involved and trust me if I could have avoided that somehow, I would have. However, there are two things my brother and I will always have in common (maybe more but I'm too tired to think straight), we're both Steelers' fans, and we like ping pong (or table tennis, if you like the fancier term). Actually, it's more like we like to play against each other. Ping pong was just one of those one-on-one games where we could prove who was better. Although the game was pretty even most of the time.

One day though, I decided to do things differently- attempt to spin the ball (like the really good players did it on T.V.), maybe move differently and so on and on. With some time, I got fairly good at the game- to be precise, I had gotten better than him (in your face, big bro!).

Today I had some sort of instruction on the game. Even though I've never played seriously (other people may think this, but my bro and I were pretty serious about our games), I can do things people that have never been instructed can't. Why? Simply because I gave it a try.

Don't sit on your couch to watch T.V. tomorrow, make plans to try something new. Invite a friend, a relative, or just yourself. Use your days wisely because you don't know how many you got left.

I'll be volunteering tomorrow**, what will you be trying?

*Not sure if that's a gift.

**I'm not new to volunteer work but I am to what I'll be doing tomorrow in particular.

Igniting Spark

In the last month I worked at the movie theater, I watched the Julie and Julia movie preview almost on a daily basis. I'm not that great at cooking, nor do I watch any cooking shows (except for Top Chef every now and then) so why I ever wanted to watch this movie is still way beyond my understanding.

Since the night it came out, I made plans to go watch it. On a Monday night. But then it became a Tuesday night. And a Wednesday. And a Thursday. And I'm not sure how this movie deal got postponed so much but I'll blame the NFL preseason for now.

Last night, a Friday night, I gave my plans a second chance and once again mentioned to a friend that I wanted to see that movie. But as time went by, I was already in the verge of canceling on myself (which doesn't sound too good now that I write about it) until my uncle came over.

"What are you doing tonight, kiddo?"

"I was thinking of watching a movie, why?"

"What movie?"

"Julie and Julia"

He nodded. I'm not sure why or how but I asked him if he wanted to come along. And surprisingly enough, he said he did. I say surprisingly because the title "Julie and Julia" should be a big hint that this ain't no action movie like "Die Hard" or "Lethal Weapon" or "Predator" or well, you get the idea. But to be honest, I'm glad I'd had company for the movie- and knowing my uncle, a free movie ticket and free snacks also.

For some reason, out of the many times I watched the previews for this movie, I thought that Julie was trying to write a book (no worries, I won't spoil the movie for you if haven't seen it), but she was actually writing a blog (I guess this could be a spoiler if you did think she was writing a book as I did- in that case, oops!). So this changed my thoughts about the movie- now it had gotten personal.

As written above, I won't spoil the movie so all I can say now it's what happened with me while watching the movie. First, it made me realize how much I enjoy writing here and how much I look forward to hear back from you, the reader(s). Second, how much I love writing in general, and how I know that the day I get to see "Written by Ashley Kay"somewhere, would be a pretty damn good day. Third, it made me think about my friend T. and how lucky I was to have her (not that I didn't know that I already). Somehow it made me wanna start everyday as if I really wanted to be awake- regardless of the time.

But isn't that what stories are all about anyway? Sometimes they inspire us, sometimes they anger us, the make us cry, or laugh, or think- but whatever feeling they ignite in you, they're always there to give you some awareness.

It made me realize why I write- Because I wanna be that igniting spark. Don't we all?