A Couple Of Maybes

Let me lose.
Let me crash and burn.
I don't know if I can do good no more.
Tell me I'm done and that my chances are none.
Save me from my own insecurities and simply let me go.
Cover my eyes with your ways and do me wrong.
Don't you save me now if you will be the one to do me worst.
Walk away while I pick up the pieces from the floor.
Walk now while my pain is numb.
Walk know when I don't know love.
I was not meant to win so I should be able to deal.
I'll forget you or so I say.
You'd be nothing but a frame- in a line, in my hands.
Shame.
We weren't meant to win.
Just walk away.

As I was eating dinner tonight (a corn dog and chips and salsa), it hit me that I needed to write something. Life has been pulling me away from you- and that is supposed to be a good thing. But then again I'd like to think that you missed me and were waiting to hear from me.

Ever since I've been living on my own, I have been putting my tough face on. You know, the one that says to the world that I can take anything. But always knowing deep inside that most of the time this doesn't apply; I'm human- I get hurt, angry, happy, excited, etc.

My problem is that I wanna help everybody. All by my little self. I wanna take care of people and make sure everyone is fine. I wanna make people happy. That is after all why I write. I wanna take people's mind into this world I have the power to create. But I always run into this wall that reminds me that I CAN'T help everybody.

So how do I know when I'm supposed to stop? How do I say to myself, "this a lost cause, let it go." Do I even wanna do that? I don't know. But I do know that I don't like waking up one day wanting to put everything aside, and wanting to be five, and sleeping under my mother's arms.

Maybe I need to write more. Maybe I need to actually create those stories and hope that they would eventually reach someone who needs them- and they will actually help them.

I wanna start taking pictures again. I wanna show people how I see the world because I see the world being well. I see the world changing and I feel it can only get better from here. Hold me accountable for this. Ask me for pictures if you don't see them soon. I need your help to remember.