About To

I should really be in bed. I'm not gonna lie, I WANT to be in bed. Every single night I think the same thing "I'm not getting enough sleep." I can't help it. Really, I can't.

However, I'm happy. Really happy.

So far I've only applied to Auburn University (which has now become my last choice) and they accepted me. It feels weird. I've been dreaming about going to college (like an actual university) for as long as I can remember, and now it's becoming a reality. It's nice to know that I have a future- that I can keep going.

Next stops= UCLA, Berkeley, UC San Diego, University of Southern California, LMU and UNC.

The trip is about to begin.

My (Hi)story.

Is it weird that I think about writing every time I'm eating chips and salsa? Right, I didn't think so either. Chips, salsa, writing. . . it's all related anyway.

My International Politics (IP) and US History (USH) classes are really opening my eyes to things I never had the chance to see before. We watched a documentary about Germany invading Russia during WWII in my IP class. It was pretty shocking and heartbreaking. I saw actual footage of people during those times. I saw hunger, sadness, blood- lots of blood. It wasn't easy to watch.

And then my USH class just provides so much information that I never had access to (right now how the US reacted towards WWII). I mean, I honestly feel a little jealous of kids that went to school here, because I went to really small schools in Colombia and I think my history classes were limited and provide little information. I feel like I've been missing out a lot. But thankfully now I get to have it.

It's also helping me to come up with new ideas for future writing so I guess that's a good thing. Oh, and I've decided to double major in History- ta ra!

Things are good. I like the way things are going. I'm hoping that I'll be able to do more writing once I'm done with my committee (for Alpha Gamma Sigma)- which should be some time soon. I'm ready to spend Thanksgiving with my best friend and her family. I'm ready to be 21. I'm ready to go home for Christmas. But I'm not in a hurry to get there yet. Things are good now. And they'll just keep getting better. Hopefully.

If it's not clear, the picture reads "I am one of the 25,000 people that die because health care doesn't cover me.

A Couple Of Maybes

Let me lose.
Let me crash and burn.
I don't know if I can do good no more.
Tell me I'm done and that my chances are none.
Save me from my own insecurities and simply let me go.
Cover my eyes with your ways and do me wrong.
Don't you save me now if you will be the one to do me worst.
Walk away while I pick up the pieces from the floor.
Walk now while my pain is numb.
Walk know when I don't know love.
I was not meant to win so I should be able to deal.
I'll forget you or so I say.
You'd be nothing but a frame- in a line, in my hands.
Shame.
We weren't meant to win.
Just walk away.

As I was eating dinner tonight (a corn dog and chips and salsa), it hit me that I needed to write something. Life has been pulling me away from you- and that is supposed to be a good thing. But then again I'd like to think that you missed me and were waiting to hear from me.

Ever since I've been living on my own, I have been putting my tough face on. You know, the one that says to the world that I can take anything. But always knowing deep inside that most of the time this doesn't apply; I'm human- I get hurt, angry, happy, excited, etc.

My problem is that I wanna help everybody. All by my little self. I wanna take care of people and make sure everyone is fine. I wanna make people happy. That is after all why I write. I wanna take people's mind into this world I have the power to create. But I always run into this wall that reminds me that I CAN'T help everybody.

So how do I know when I'm supposed to stop? How do I say to myself, "this a lost cause, let it go." Do I even wanna do that? I don't know. But I do know that I don't like waking up one day wanting to put everything aside, and wanting to be five, and sleeping under my mother's arms.

Maybe I need to write more. Maybe I need to actually create those stories and hope that they would eventually reach someone who needs them- and they will actually help them.

I wanna start taking pictures again. I wanna show people how I see the world because I see the world being well. I see the world changing and I feel it can only get better from here. Hold me accountable for this. Ask me for pictures if you don't see them soon. I need your help to remember.

Rain

I saw the Angelenos walking hurriedly with their umbrellas. It was raining- something so unknown to them. Nobody would pause or slow down; the faster they could get inside a building, the better.

I looked around and couldn't make eye contact- everyone was looking down. I was looking up, I was smiling. I was happy. Happy to feel the rain.

I sat on a bench. A bench that it's usually taken, but not today because it was wet. I sat there. I smile and promised myself some things. People that passed by seemed confused because of the lonely girl sitting under the rain.

But somehow I think that lonely girl was happier than anyone that walked by her. Point made.

The Morning After

After watching the movie 500 Days of Summer, I realized that I was better off by not believing in Forever. And here I am today, with life reinforcing this thought.

During one of the greatest moments in my life, I thought a lot about the future, about what was gonna happen next. I made plans, daydreamed about things, envisioned my upcoming days. But after that great moment, nothing else happened. Well, I moved to L.A. because there was nothing else left for me from that moment.

Yesterday was such an amazing day. From beginning to end. Even the not so good parts of yesterday don't even look so horrible anymore. But today, the story is way different. From beginning to end.

I'm glad that yesterday, I enjoyed my moments, and not even once gave tomorrow (today) a second thought. It didn't matter. The only thing that matter is what I had right in front of me.

Friday Mornings

I really don't like waking up early but it is almost my duty to do so on a daily basis. Today was different though, because today was Friday and I'm beginning to really like Friday mornings.

Even though today is about the only day out of the week when I could potentially sleep 'til 9 (that is the latest I could ever sleep these days. Crazy, I know), I'm giving that up to have breakfast with two friends of mine. And why would I ever do that?

Ever thought of something you really wanted to see yourself doing when you'd grow up? When I was little, I used to walk by restaurants filled with people doing business. Maybe important business or maybe they just wanted to eat kind of business. My point being is that I thought it would be cool to be one of them at some point.

At that was me this morning, talking about business over a cappuccino and a California omelet. It's happening one by one. The more I live, the more I see my dreams coming true before my eyes.

Quit reading this and go live!!!!

Maybe

I was always a little jealous of the girls that kept diaries growing up. I thought that they could always find bits of their own history in them while I would probably forget most of it at some point. I was right, I did forget lots of things.

Yesterday, I saw a picture of my cousin, Stephanie. I think she was 5 the last time I saw her and I think she's 17 now. It's been a while. We don't even really talk. She looked all grown up in the picture. I only had this image of her as a little kid and whatever happened in the middle got lost in translation.

I cannot remember much of us being little. And I really wanted to. I wanted to think that we were family and acted as such once. Maybe I was too little. Maybe I should have kept a diary.

Get Closer or Hide

And then DARPA said, let there be internet!

Ever been thirsty and yearning for water, and when you're finally drinking some water, you feel like you've been born again? Okay maybe not to that extreme but you get the idea- that's exactly how I feel right now. I finally have internet again.

Am I really that technology needy?

I carry a cellphone around and if I'm not in class, I'm probably using a computer or playing video games. I guess I somehow just answered my own question.

But if I didn't have my cellphone, I couldn't keep in touch with my family (I live VERY far from home) or text Taylor, or talk to my friends, or check my email (meaning AGS-related stuff, or even your comments!). And if I didn't have a computer. . . well I suppose I could write on paper but it's not nearly as fun or fast as doing it on a computer. And don't even get me started on video games, that is seriously the only way I relieve stress!

Some people fear technology because they think some individuals stick to their toys and alienate from the world. I don't do that. I use technology to be closer to the people far from me. Even with you, dear reader, believe it or not, I wanna be closer to you. But I wouldn't change human interaction for the world. You could never compare touching a machine with the feeling of touching some skin.

Where has technology taken you?

photo taken from http://www.unescap.org/unis/press/2007/aug/space.jpg

About Time I'd Show Up

News:

• UC application is now available online = I'm freaking out
• My Auburn application has been completed = I will finally be officially a Tiger. Even if I go to Berkeley.
• Got yet another scholarship = thanks for the love, donors.
• Some of my peers told me this weekend that they enjoy volunteering more this semester than they ever did during the Spring = We are doing an awesome job.
• I will finally get internet at home this week = I will once again be writing here on a daily basis. Yay!